Before reading it would be a good idea to give this game a good solid spin.  You can download it here.

A quick word problem. There are two trains. One train leaves the station carrying a stockpile of vintage Metroid and Castlevania cartridges. The other train leaves a second station loaded down with a bounty of Roguelikes such as NetHack and Dwarf Fortress. The trains are traveling at extreme speed towards each other on the same track. At what point should the engineers start slowing down to avert a collision?

The answer? It doesn’t matter because Derek Yu has cut the brakes.

Spelunky is a randomly-generated game in the Metroidvania style. As an Indiana Jones style character the mission is to die horribly while exploring a cave. At least that’s how I play it. The difficulty level is sky high so prepare to meet grisly deaths early and often.

Gameplay and Design

The first thing I noticed (right before I noticed the spike pit death animation) was how sensitive the controls are. They are very precise which requires either having the reflexes of a meth-addicted spider monkey or, in my case, slowing down and carefully planing each move. When holding a button a few milliseconds longer is the difference between life and a permanent death, it gives reason to pause and thoroughly contemplate the ramifications of every seemly simple action.

The permanent death mechanic that this game shares with its Roguelike forebears is what puts such pressure on the player. The additional pressure is partially valved by the short, five to ten minute, length of even a full playthrough of the game. Further, there are unlockable shortcut tunnels that persist allowing some sense of accomplishment to accompany the Sisyphean.  The biggest annoyance is if I was especially well kitted up when being skewered by an offscreen Arrow Trap. Since what items I am able to acquire in a playthrough are strongly dictated by the randomness of the levels, I can’t count on having my favorite set (climbing gloves and shotgun = death ninja) on any particular play through. This is especially frustrating when expensive items like the shotgun show up long before they are affordable.

...and this is my BOOMSTICK!

Which brings me to the next bullet point: stealing. In real life it is wrong. I get that. In games, though, I tend to be a bit of a colossal bastard. If a game allowed me to run around swiping still-warm knickers, it might just hit my top five of all time. Unfortunately, aside from the main character’s general “tomb robber” occupation, there’s only one target for larcenous intent: this guy on the right. And he packs a shotgun (a shotgun than can be stolen, I might add). Performing any act of violence (including accidentally causing a boulder to crash through his store) or attempting to leave without paying for an item sets every shopkeeper in the game to kill on sight. This is neat. Future shops will even display a wanted poster. Where this isn’t so neat is when an additional shop keep guard shows up to block the exit with an inexhaustible supply of buckshot. This is a nice risk/reward system for people who aren’t that into paying for things, but excel at killing old men who live in caves.

The dark levels are another example of a risk/reward type situation. They create a few decisions the player must make. First, fairly obviously, the level is dark as shit. This makes it difficult to descend as it’s often impossible to spot a landing that isn’t on spikes or in the gullet of a meandering Audrey II wannabe. There is a small bubble of light around the character that extends near ambient light sources, firing a gun, or when carrying a flare. Second, the character can only carry one item at a time, making hanging onto a shotgun or bit of loot that much harder. It is possible to juggle the items, but for the love of crap just let me stick that gun in my belt for a second. Third, is the reward for these levels: Golden Scarabs. These bugs generally do a lazy job of floating away, and act as a light source. If killed, the light goes out. If collected however, they are worth mad piles of cash. So despite being a general pain, these dark levels do have some balance for those ballsy enough to hunt down all the scarabs.

Overall

There are four areas and each area has it’s own tileset, enemies, level feelings, and hazards.  The random levels and depth of interaction (a fire toad will become a regular toad in water…no kidding) provide for a ton of replayability.  That’s a fantastic thing as only the most bad ass platform ninjas will be able to beat the game in a single (or even double digit) number of plays.  The cutesy pixel art, retro sound, and Mega Man level difficulty makes the whole package feel like a lost game back from the 80s to haunt us.

Conclusion

After that flaming shithouse of a movie, Crystal Skull, this game helps me work out what my therapist terms “irrational anger issues” by letting me throw an effigy Indy onto spikes all day long. If that’s not enough to rate a download, I have one magic word: jetpack. There is a jetpack in this game.